I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
