I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
