Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
