Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
