sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
