I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
we're so committed to being not committed
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
