i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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