I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
