You can't special order awesome
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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