i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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