There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
