went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
