I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
