ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
