I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
