Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
