Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We left the knife in your bed.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
