it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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