I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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