He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
