Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
