i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
