For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
