Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
