i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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