Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Boobs are out for the taking
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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