I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
