mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
