somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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