Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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