why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
