life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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