glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
