Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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