how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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