I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
