Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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