My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
