my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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