i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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