If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
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