Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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