I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
