so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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