my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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