Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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