Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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