So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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