Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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