She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
